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Forever
This Glossary of Terms is a list of definitions and examples of original, unique words invented by The FPA Staff that describe two things:
1. How people act toward people who struggle with "mental illness" and
2. The first set of terms' positive counterparts, how if people acted, the world and the people in it would be able to heal.
As described, these situations explain a need for true love and all that it encompasses as described in the positive terms. We are writing this because we really care. We want people to be treated better and therefore differently than they are now. We present this to you with the hope that these new created terms will become a part of your vocabulary and therefore the world's mindset will begin to change. After all, Change Your Thinking, Change Your Life.
2019 Alternative Awareness Terms:
Negative terms that make things worse for people who struggle:
Legend:
Initials: Author / D: Definition / E: Example / V: Video Dramatization
All Terms created, writings for definitions and examples below were created by FPA Staff Writers JD&KB 1.15-16.2019 and are respectively credited by their initials next to the terms.
JD: Shotgun Diagnostics
D: The act of being quick to diagnose or assume mental illness or a need for therapy or medication for the convenience and immediate satisfaction of the person or persons bothered by the subject.
E: “Oh my God Tinisha! your driving me insane! Janine, what’s the name of that shrink you used for Jeremy? I have got to get Tinisha on Ritalin or something before I lose it!”
E: “The things she’s saying are so off the wall and she’s so emotional lately, we need to get her into therapy ASAP!”
V: Coming Soon
JD&KB: Appearance Preservation
D: Guarding the observer’s reputation or the act of “damage control” for the preservation of the family or associated observer’s reputation over the importance of the damage and effects to the person suffering from the action, event or ongoing problem causing the reactions.
E: (Damage Control) Oh my God Charles you’re not going to believe what Nigel got in trouble for today, we need to get on that phone and call everyone so they don’t think we had anything to do with this. E: Ok so now he’s in therapy which is going to cost us a fortune so that’s showing that we are responsible parents and everyone can see that, so now we just need to have the counselors figure out why he would be doing these things and who is to blame.
V:
JD: Stab and Hide
D: Crushing the subject’s spirit with shaming, hurtful words, comments or actions and then ignoring them, cutting them off from yourself, your family, friends, other relatives or committing other deliberate actions such as social media slandering followed by blocking.
D/E: The deliberate act of ignoring is a narcissistic action of subject control and can be verified and explained by simply looking up the term on any search engine.
E: “Julie you’re are so embarrassing that I just can’t think of anything you can say that could ever make this better. What have you ever done for anyone anyways? I’m sorry but I’m blocking you now! Goodbye.”
E: A worker is on the phone with his/her existing client, and tries to explain the need for the work the client has promised when suddenly the client begins to change his/her mind, going back on what was promised to the worker. Then, the worker reminds the client how he/she turned away other work per the clients request to do so, and he/she the worker can’t get the other work back now. The client who promised the work turns the situation on the worker and demands that they go find other work now continuing uncaringly by saying, “Excuse me but your guys’ personal life is not my problem!” Click, the client just hangs up the phone and leaves the worker feeling complete abandonment after what was thought until this moment to be a good faith relationship based on ethics.
V:
KB&JD: Affordable Compassion
D: Helping someone as long as it doesn’t cost you too much.
E: A dance teacher to her assistant says, “I really want to help Chantel, but I have so many other obligations I just don’t have the time and besides, even though she’s always been a strong dancer, she’s really a burden on the dance team now. At this point, I’m just going to have to cut her.” Later that evening while at happy hour with a few friends, the teacher calls the student and gives her the news by saying, “I’m sorry Chantel, I just don’t have the extra time it’s going to take to get you up to the level of the other girls before the show…I really am sorry, good luck, I’m sure you’ll do better next year.” She hangs up the phone but forgot just one thing: Chantel was a senior and there isn’t going to be a next year.
V:
JD: Comparison Discredit
D: Downplaying things by comparing them with something else.
E: “It’s just not ok Tom, there is no excuse for you to not be up to the level of everyone else and besides, Tammy is a girl and she’s doing a hundred times better than you! What is your problem?” Right in front of the whole crew at the morning meeting Kamakai says…”Do you guys believe this idiot? He’s getting shown up by the only girl on the crew! What do you have to say for yourself flaming T Flannahan? Are you just stupid or what? Tammy, you need to show this boy what’s up.”
E: The sergeant says to the recruit, “I know you struggle with PTSD, and we all have problems with things like that, but John’s got a bum knee and Collin can barely concentrate on anything anymore but continues to pull his weight over and over and over again…you just need to suck it up soldier. Now get out there and forget about all that shit.”
V:
K: Rafiki Syndrome
D: The subject is reminded over and over by nearly everyone he/she comes in contact with that he/she just needs to leave the past in the past.
E: An older sister to her brother, “Oh my God Mazuli, when are you going to forget about all that and just leave the past in the past? You just need to pray about it and everything will be fine. Besides, there isn’t anything we can do about it.”
E: Older brother yells to a distraught younger brother, “When are you going to get over that shit? How many years ago was that anyways? Everybody is tired of hearing you whine and even your friends said all you talk about is the past. And get over your education, that’s a long gone road now, besides, why would you get your degrees in that stupid shit anyways? Space? What a joke, why didn’t you go to school for something that has to do with planet Earth? Man you really screwed up, how old are you anyways? You’re never going to amount to anything so stop living in the past and go be somebody, will you? I don’t want to hear any more bullshit about the past, you know, the past? Get with the program man, you’re too old to play this shit anymore anyways, my God!”
V:
JD&KB: Paradigm Denial
D: The act of belittling someone’s attempts to understand their own preventable “illness” by being quick to discredit the persons perspective through a condescending, “know it all attitude”.
E: The frustrated teacher goes over to the neighbors who are the parents of one of his students. The devout Christian mother lets him in, but when he comments out of his exhausted frustration dealing with the unruly students by saying, “Man I bet by the time Jesus was finished, He whispered up to God and said thank you father, I’m ready to come home, these people are killing me.” The Christian mother waved her finger back and forth in a no, no gesture and responded fervently, putting her finger right in the young teacher’s face and saying in her deep Texas accent, “No, no, let me tell you what Jesus said.” Later, when he tried to share with her more of what he believed were his deepest struggles, confiding in and respecting her motherly ways, he tried to explain his gifts and his struggles. She just stopped him and said, “Hold on, I’m going to stop you right there…this is what is what is actually happening with you.”
V:
Positive Reinforcement terms to help someone that may be struggling:
Legend:
Initials: Author / D: Definition / E: Example / V: Video Dramatization
All Terms created, writings for definitions and examples below were created by FPA Staff Writers JD&KB 1.15-16.2019 and are respectively credited by their initials next to the terms and associated writings.
JD: Humanstanding
D: The act of taking the time to consider all variables of the person’s nature, nurture and all factors that must be considered before making assumption “shotgun diagnostics”.
E: Shannon begins to notice an odd behavior in her son and starts over to the phone to call her doctor for a referral to the most recommended psychologist in their area but then stops herself. She looks at her son and thinks about how much this precious little man means to her, and she goes over and sits down on the floor and looks into his eyes. Over the course of the next few hours, they spend time playing together and touching on the subjects he has so desperately tried to convey with his energy. Suddenly he calms down to a place where he is open and speaking to her as never before. He looks into her eyes again and pauses, then continues…”there’s this boy at school who has been taking things from my lunch and telling me not to tell anyone or he will beat me up, I don’t know what to do mommy, I’m sorry.” Shannon doesn’t even consider getting up and calling the school to find out who this boy is or the phone number of his mother because she is already beyond this knee jerk, “shotgun” method of immediate satisfaction and strong arm resolution. Instead she continues to converse with her son and together they make a plan to speak to the boy the next day where she will come to the school and have lunch with them. Excited, Shannon springs to her feet and calls her employer to tell her she is going to take a little longer lunch break the next day because she had an emergency come up that she will explain as soon as she can and that it’s amazing and her boss will be so happy when she finds out what it is. The next day the two of them are sitting there and Shannon just observes the kids around her son when suddenly this other, somewhat nervous little guy starts to speak, “Are you Eddies mom?” in his slightly puffed up defensive stance. “yes I am” she sweetly responds, “and you must be….” She nudges, “I’m Maverick” he barks, “Maverick? She continues, “wow, your mom and dad must really think you’re going to grow up to be somebody, that’s awesome!” Little Mav sits up straighter in his seat and his eyes begin to brighten. “Listen Mav, Eddie wanted me to include a little something in his lunch for you and I was wondering if you like banana bread so I can make some just for you…what do you think” Maverick begins to go back to the defense and glares over at Eddie. Quickly Shannon breaks the ice by saying, “Eddie didn’t know how to tell me that he really wanted to have you over for dinner and try some of the other things that I make because you just loved my cooking so much that you just had to have some every day and we think that’s great.” She continues noticing Mavs eyes lighting up once again but pays close attention to his body language and spirit before making any quick responses or decisions to respond….she eventually gets the green light and goes for the home run. “If it’s ok with you I want to see if you can come over for dinner one night and eat with us, afterwards were all going to go roller skating then to a movie. If your parents would like to join us we can all have fun! What do you think?” At this point Maverick can hardly speak because not only is this little human standing now, he has risen up on the bench and is flying his arms out mimicking an airplane and can hardly contain his new little wings.
JD, 1.16.2019
V:
JD: Damage Priority
D: The act of attending to the immediate needs of the affected individual’s critical period after a traumatic event, realizing it is more important than the “damage control” of your image or appearance in societal circles.
E: Nolan was usually a calm and friendly boy, so his parents were shocked when they received the news that he was sitting in the principal’s office for fighting with another boy at school. Their initial reaction was to think about all the people who must be appalled by this news. They thought about the parents of the boy he was fighting with and all of their friends. What must they think about their parenting skills if Nolan was acting this way? What about their teacher friends and friends at the city council? What must they think? Yes, they had these initial thoughts, but when they began to discuss, they realized what was more important. What had they been missing in the time leading up to this event? What had been going on with Nolan that made him react this way? In what ways did they not support and communicate with him enough to know that this had been building? They decided to first, before even thinking about talking about some sort of punishment, to apologize to Nolan for not being there fully and knowing what was going on with him. They weren’t blaming themselves, but their interest shifted from what people would think about them to how they could truly help their son so he could not only heal from this but not get into situations like this in the future. They knew him well enough to know that he would not just pick a fight for no reason. There was something deeper going on. Their interest was in supporting him, in letting him know that they really were there for him, and he could tell them what was going on without fear of getting in trouble.
KB, 1.16.2019
V:
JD: See and Stay
D: The polar opposite of Stab and Hide
E: Theresa’s best friend in college, Janette, was acting completely out of character. She kept lashing out at Theresa, blaming her for things going on in her life, emotionally insulting her when they would talk online after classes. Theresa didn’t understand it, and she was hurt. She wanted to make Janette feel like Janette had made her feel over the last couple of weeks, hurt and blamed. She thought about picking on Janette’s recent weight gain. She could really hurt her with that, because she knew that it was affecting her self-esteem. Plus, she was so exhausted from classes, her other friends, work, and committees that Janette was causing too much extra stress in her life. It would make her life easier to be done with her completely. She was toxic. Instead, she thought about the long friendship that the two had shared. She realized that when she really thought about it, something must be going on with Janette that, even though she was acting unfairly towards Theresa, Theresa could stick around and be there for her through. She was the strong one right now, and once Janette was back to her normal self, she would come to her senses and apologize for lashing out. So in the meantime, Theresa sent a text. It read, “I know you are struggling right now. I am not sure the exact details, but I am here for you if you want to share them with me and I won’t use them against you. I’m here to listen or just to hang out if you need and we can even be silent together, watch a movie, whatever would help ease whatever is going on right now. You are my friend, and I’m not just going to leave over a few mistakes. I’m here for you.”
KB, 1.16.2019
V:
JD: Loss Preservation
D: Giving up something such as time, money or face in order to prevent the escalation of and probability to increase the onset of what could develop into an actual mental illness.
E: “Please I need you guys!” The young man pleaded not giving any discredit to their willingness to pray for the situation. But sometimes it takes a little more, and at critical times it may even take a lot more. To be the examples that the greatest teachers who visited our planet and devoted their entire lifetimes to learn into us. “Follow me” as Jesus said to His disciples meant more than just following Him. It meant that they were to do as He did. Imitate Him and do not only as He said but as He did. You can perform a miracle every day if you take the time to change someone’s thinking, open their eyes, give them hope, help them have faith or more. Make the ultimate sacrifices to give up something until it hurts you, give up time until you are reprimanded for doing so by forcing someone above you to feel the pain of those below caught in the illness of homelessness, addiction, condemnation and societal reinforced now turned inward as self-hatred and doubt, by not producing something for those above you even if it means losing your job. This sounds so drastic does it not? Yes but imagine you have the chance as in this example to create the “butterfly effect”. You may have lost money, you may have lost time and created discomfort unto your boss or higher up that creates a wave sent upwards that disrupts the flow of production to the point of losing your job. You have at this point most certainly lost face. But then because you have done this, all of the sudden it is revealed to you that because you did this, and were truly willing to, something greater, something so profound that it shook the planet to the point of changing the course of history and sent out a shockwave of alternative thinking, alternative action, increased compassion, increased acts of kindness, increased and endless, infectious possibilities to create a better world. It’s up to you people to understand this…maybe the coveted act of loss prevention should give way to the thought of loss preservation. The way it was taught over 2000 years ago. Imagine with everything that is in every cell in your body, in meditation, a world where the focus was not upon loss prevention through “affordable compassion”, but loss preservation and what this truly could do to our planet. “Mental illness….it’s happening to everyone.”
JD: 1.16.2016
V:
KB: Comparison Elimination
D: Looking at each situation individually without using “comparables” to judge the severity of the situation being observed.
E: A refugee speaks about his traumatic experiences before and during being forced out of his war-torn home. He witnessed family members and friends being killed. He saw a mother slayed as her new child watched, among countless other atrocities. Regardless of how intense his suffering was during this time period, while giving his speech, he explains that one person’s suffering cannot be compared to another to measure the severity of the individual’s suffering. Yes, he elaborates, he has seen and experienced more tragedy than your average person, but that does not mean that his suffering is greater than anyone else’s. Suffering is individual to the person experiencing it. It cannot be compared.
Note: While brainstorming what to use as an example for this definition, I was reminded of this refugee who a friend had seen speak and then shared his ideas on suffering with me. My partner stopped me at this point and suggested that I use Raphael Lemkin in my example as well, but I did not see how it was related. He seemed to just blurt it out of the blue for some strange reason. Later on, while doing some research, I learned that this refugee I was referring to is from South Sudan. South Sudan was the main region described in the very documentary, Watchers of the Sky, where we both learned about Raphael Lemkin while watching. My partner had no idea of this fact, no idea about where the refugee was from when he suggested I talk about Lemkin. He didn’t know, but someone or something most certainly did.
KB: 1.16.2019
V:
KB: The HOW Method
D: Healing Open Wounds by avoiding quick and final conclusions that satisfy and defer the possibility of annoyance to the observer of the afflicted. Instead care for the person; their past may be directly related to where they stand before you, good enough for you or not. Accept and Love them…before they themselves are in your past….forever.
E: There they were, sitting around the living room and the older brother was finally finished with his calls to friends and urgent needs to get out the importance of finishing the vessel the workers he hired were, according to him, taking much too long to finish. As he barked and barked in his frustration, the younger brother and his partner decided to help him and started with the following. “Hey Danny why don’t you relax and stop stressing about that vessel and start realizing what is important is the vessel you’re in. You have a great opportunity here and this can surely help you and your family iron out so many differences so that the rest of your life and theirs will be amazing.” The tired and frustrated older brother sat down and closed his eyes with a painful look on his face. “Alright what? What?” he asked. The younger brother looked at his partner and they both took a deep breath of hope into their lungs and began to offer the second phase of this leg of their journey to the second half of this extremely sad situation. “First of all know that we are thankful to be here and to help you. And we want you to know that if we can just stay on your vessel and work hard to show you how much we appreciate that, we can do something far more important to the whole of your family and ultimately, our main reason for being here and that is to do the same for the whole world.” The increasingly frustrated older brother just closed his eyes again and said “my God, just get to the point.” So the younger brother continued as hurriedly as possible. “We can do all of these things but let’s all just remember that what is important is not that we live in the past because this isn’t possible anyways….but what is possible is that we learn from it, make the changes necessary to do the things that didn’t work differently. If these include but are not limited to things like, holding on to some material possession hoping that it would somehow, this time around, fill some void in us, sell for more than the last and somehow put us just a little further ahead. Or find a new girl or boyfriend that would surely be the one this time. Or disconnect ourselves further from our friends and family in isolation and discord.” He continued. “Let’s do this instead. Let’s look back and make a list of all the things we didn’t do right in the past and change our thinking so we can change our lives” A stillness came over the room. “Let’s show our family that harmony within it is the most important thing. Giving up things that aren’t important so that those who we may not have been able to get through to will hear us. Give all we have to them and take only what we need to survive and continue to do good things from here on. Magically turn an empty home into a palace for your daughter and her children with the wave of faith that it will be done. Your happiness will come from knowing that you are loved and appreciated for what you freely give and it comes back to you and in turn your children’s children ten thousand fold. And while we do all of this we want you to do us one favor.” What’s that the older brother asked in disbelief as if he was listening to some impossible dream.“ Let us film you telling us all the stories of your past, in all of it’s amazing glory. Stories of our father, our mother, Viet Nam, everything you have inside you because these are the things of the most value. Not this vessel or that vessel, but the vessel inside the vessel inside the vessel in you, to give to your children and theirs. So when they walk through the things that you have left behind for them….they will know that you understood the most important thing in the world. And that you rose above the norm and took the time….to dream the impossible dream.
JD 1.16.2019
V:
KB: Parachuting
D: Keeping an open mind to all possibilities, whether they are in the DSMV or not, because those are just the accepted theories set forth by APA but not the ONLY possible causes or labels to be placed on someone who may or may not actually have the illness.
E: A woman has gone to what we will call a “therapy camp” that she has researched for helping people like her. She hopes it will help heal some problems she has been struggling with. Recently, she has been isolating herself from friends and family, not showing up at work, and feeling scared for no clear reason. The camp uses traditional talk therapy, but the counselors that she spends her days with also explore alternative methods. Talk therapy and experimenting with what medication will work for her has certainly frustrated the woman in the past. Here, they instead explain that every type of technique and perspective explored there is a tool. Some tools will work for certain people and not for others. Beyond talk therapy and traditional medication, they explore aromatherapy, exercise and nutrition, expression through art, gardening, seeing metaphors for life and healing in nature, support from peers, and even moving literal rocks to work through problems. Additionally, they do not discredit spiritual causes for life problems and mental blocks. The woman learned about being a highly sensitive person and how this may be causing some of the symptoms she has been experiencing. Her new mentors also teach her that she may be experiencing pain because she has not been following her life purpose that each of us is given as a child. The organization uses ceremonies and storytelling, like ancient and indigenous cultures do, to mark a severing from their pasts and the selves they used to be. In this way, the woman can also begin to own her story and become powerful from it. Seeing this type of open minded approach to what would typically be diagnosed and medicated is refreshing and healing in itself.
KB 1.16.2019
From the first IG post on this series: “Yeah…yea, yea, everything she said…Peace from Colorado.” At the onset of this Series, 1.8.2019.
Parachuting…. Awesome metaphor, Shubbs…It’s time to change the world. – JD
A new approach of considerations before making diagnoses of human beings